Most jobs require education, training, mentoring & certification, AND YET a majority of people enter into partnerships auto-piloting, and hoping that (1) things work out, and that (2) the adult of our childhoods modeled it properly for us. To be good at marriage/partnerships, we need education, and training/mentoring just like any professional job. At a minimum, I recommend reading all books by John Gottman & Stan Tatkin, which are information based on research and science. We need an equivalent masters level degree knowledge in relationships to do this job well.
Resources for Couples
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Videos TEDx with Stan Tatkin:
Relationships are Hard But Why |
TEDx with Joanne Davila:
Skills for Healthy Romantic Relationships |
RELATIONSHIPS
Book: 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work - by John Gottman & Nan Silver
Article: Masters of Love - The Science on Lasting Relationships
Article: How to Keep Love Strong - Summary of the 7 Principles
PDF poster: How to Keep Love Strong
Video: 7 Principles
Love Maps
Love Maps + more worksheets (from book 7 Principles)
Article: The 4 Horsemen - Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness & Stonewalling
Book: Wired for Love (on the topic of diffusing conflict) - by Stan Tatkin
Gottman Institute: Podcast Interview with Stan Tatkin
We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love
In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them
Books: Mindful Relationship Habits - by Barrie Davenport
201 Relationship Questions
Journal for 201 Questions (pdf, 300 pages)
Book: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence - by Esther Perel
Esther Perel's Blog
Esther Perel's TED Talks
Book: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment - by Amir Levine
Gottman Institute: Interview with Amir Levine
Book: Hold Me Tight - by Sue Johnson (PDF of Hold Me Tight)
Book: Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage - by David & Constantino Khalaf
Book: 7 Principles for Making Marriage Work - by John Gottman & Nan Silver
Article: Masters of Love - The Science on Lasting Relationships
Article: How to Keep Love Strong - Summary of the 7 Principles
PDF poster: How to Keep Love Strong
Video: 7 Principles
Love Maps
Love Maps + more worksheets (from book 7 Principles)
Article: The 4 Horsemen - Criticism, Contempt, Defensiveness & Stonewalling
Book: Wired for Love (on the topic of diffusing conflict) - by Stan Tatkin
Gottman Institute: Podcast Interview with Stan Tatkin
We Do: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring Love
In Each Other's Care: A Guide to the Most Common Relationship Conflicts and How to Work Through Them
Books: Mindful Relationship Habits - by Barrie Davenport
201 Relationship Questions
Journal for 201 Questions (pdf, 300 pages)
Book: Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence - by Esther Perel
Esther Perel's Blog
Esther Perel's TED Talks
Book: Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment - by Amir Levine
Gottman Institute: Interview with Amir Levine
Book: Hold Me Tight - by Sue Johnson (PDF of Hold Me Tight)
Book: Modern Kinship: A Queer Guide to Christian Marriage - by David & Constantino Khalaf
What Is Your Attachment Style?
WEBSITES
- The Gottman Institute (John & Julie Gottman)
- The PACT Institute (Stan Tatkin)
- Dr. Sue Johnson
- Therapists trained in EFT (Emotionally Focused Therapy)
- Esther Perel
- Straight Spouse Network (support for couples with a straight spouse and an LGBTQ spouse)
COMMUNICATION
Book: Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools - by Marshall Rosenberg
Essay from book (readable online) - By Marshall Rosenberg
Slides: Nonviolent Communication Flow (for full screen, click "Present" under View tab)
NVC website: NVC Model from Center for Nonviolent Communication
Book: Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools - by Marshall Rosenberg
Slides: Nonviolent Communication Flow (for full screen, click "Present" under View tab)
NVC website: NVC Model from Center for Nonviolent Communication
What is NVC?
Book: Taking the War Out of Our Words - by Sharon Ellison
Articles from PNDC - Powerful Non-Defensive Communication
Sharon Ellison Videos on the "War Model of Communication"
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Why Are We So Defensive?
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Why Can't We Think Straight When We Get Defensive?
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Are We Addicted To Power Struggle?
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Tools for Parents & Children
- Comprehensive Resource Links (google docs)
- Family Meetings (3 examples)
- The TOOLBOX by Dovetail Learning (a non-profit that seeks to empower kids how to be empathetic, resilient, be emotionally self-aware, and communicate non-violently)
Introduction to the Toolbox
Step Families / Blended Families
Books:
Google Slides on Step Families from Prepare Enrich
Books:
- The Stepfamily Handbook: From Dating, to Getting Serious, to forming a "Blended Family"
- Surviving and Thriving in Stepfamily Relationships: What Works and What Doesn't
- Wisdom On Step-Parenting: How to Succeed Where Others Fail
- Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages and Becoming Stepfamily Smart
- The Smart Stepfamily: Seven Steps to a Healthy Family
Google Slides on Step Families from Prepare Enrich
