INTRODUCTION
Life transitions and threshold moments are hard. At times we judge ourselves for the internal voice within us that protests against change. But part of the grief work is not to dismiss this hurting voice. Instead we are to notice and be aware of this voice, and hold that part of ourselves that is grieving with loving kindness and acceptance. Sometimes we just need to be present, provide companionship, and care for the part of ourselves that is in pain. Like a loving gardener, we need to water that struggling seed, provide light, and create a nourishing environment for it to grow.
Life transitions and threshold moments are hard. At times we judge ourselves for the internal voice within us that protests against change. But part of the grief work is not to dismiss this hurting voice. Instead we are to notice and be aware of this voice, and hold that part of ourselves that is grieving with loving kindness and acceptance. Sometimes we just need to be present, provide companionship, and care for the part of ourselves that is in pain. Like a loving gardener, we need to water that struggling seed, provide light, and create a nourishing environment for it to grow.

THE RELUCTANT OAK TREE
(Source: Thomas G. Casey SJ and Margaret Brennan Hassett, from “Fear to Serenity with Anthony de Mello”, Paulist Press 2011, Pages 70-72)
Once upon a time, there was a giant oak tree in a city park. Birds and squirrels nested high up in the tree. One morning, a small acorn fell from the tree onto the grassy ground below.
The acorn was happy with life on the lush grass and wanted things to remain just as they were. The last thing it wanted—God forbid!—was to become an oak tree. It had heard frightening stories about oak trees being cut down by human beings or struck by bolts of lightning. The little acorn settled comfortably on the grass, but slowly sank into the soil beneath.
(Source: Thomas G. Casey SJ and Margaret Brennan Hassett, from “Fear to Serenity with Anthony de Mello”, Paulist Press 2011, Pages 70-72)
Once upon a time, there was a giant oak tree in a city park. Birds and squirrels nested high up in the tree. One morning, a small acorn fell from the tree onto the grassy ground below.
The acorn was happy with life on the lush grass and wanted things to remain just as they were. The last thing it wanted—God forbid!—was to become an oak tree. It had heard frightening stories about oak trees being cut down by human beings or struck by bolts of lightning. The little acorn settled comfortably on the grass, but slowly sank into the soil beneath.

Eventually, the sun and the rain transformed the acorn into a small green shoot. It was not happy with its new transformed self. It had changed into something new against its will.
“Well,” the shoot said, “I’m not growing any taller than this.”
However, one day the park gardener came across the fragile green sprout and took a liking to it and started to nurture it. Each day he came by, cleared away weeds so the sun could shine directly on it. Before it knew what was happening, the shoot became a sapling.
“Well,” the shoot said, “I’m not growing any taller than this.”
However, one day the park gardener came across the fragile green sprout and took a liking to it and started to nurture it. Each day he came by, cleared away weeds so the sun could shine directly on it. Before it knew what was happening, the shoot became a sapling.

Again, the growing plant, now a sapling, was devastated. Not only was life as an acorn gone, but now it seemed that life as a shoot was gone forever as well. It decided that enough was enough: it would not grow any leaves.
But the park gardener continued to care for this young tree. He fastened it against a stake to help it withstand strong winds, and regularly pruned its branches.
But the park gardener continued to care for this young tree. He fastened it against a stake to help it withstand strong winds, and regularly pruned its branches.

In early spring, the first buds appeared, and then the first leaves. The leaves were large and green. The young oak tree decided that it did not want any more change. With all its might, it forbade each leaf from changing color in the fall.
But the gardener continued to watch over the tree. He watered its roots and fertilized the ground beneath it.
But the gardener continued to watch over the tree. He watered its roots and fertilized the ground beneath it.

Small groups of people began to gather in the park to look at what had now become a giant tree. During the fall, they were amazed by the leaves that blazed red. The huge oak tree became a generous protection and shade for humans, animals, and birds.
The tree’s dense crown provided a cool umbrella against the sun’s glare in summer. Yet the oak tree had still not come to terms with itself as a tree that provided shelter for other creatures.
The tree’s dense crown provided a cool umbrella against the sun’s glare in summer. Yet the oak tree had still not come to terms with itself as a tree that provided shelter for other creatures.

But something happened one night: a powerful windstorm damaged the oak tree. The next morning, the gardener came by to check on the oak tree and saw that many of its branches were broken. He carefully cut them away and applied soothing ointment to the tree. He encircled the trunk with heavy wooden planks and a wire mesh.

After working a long time on his knees at the base of the tree, the gardener paused. For a moment he turned his face upward. The giant oak tree looked down at his gardener’s kind face, which radiated wisdom and acceptance.
With that loving and kind gaze, something changed within the oak tree. The tree realized that living is not about passively resigning to its fate or merely tolerating the changes one goes through. Now, the tree recognized its life as a blessing. Its leaves rustled in the wind and even its majestic trunk swayed slightly as it breathed in a newfound sense of deep peace, full acceptance, and surrender.
With that loving and kind gaze, something changed within the oak tree. The tree realized that living is not about passively resigning to its fate or merely tolerating the changes one goes through. Now, the tree recognized its life as a blessing. Its leaves rustled in the wind and even its majestic trunk swayed slightly as it breathed in a newfound sense of deep peace, full acceptance, and surrender.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- Which part of the story did you find the most important? Which part of the story resonated with you?
- What experiences have you had that is close to this story?
- Where do you find yourself in this story? Which part of the story is about you?
Guide for Facilitators of Spiritual Care Support Groups

Leader's Guide
Participant's Guide
Reflection1
Reflection2
Tree Options
Examples
Background1
Background2
Participant's Guide
Reflection1
Reflection2
Tree Options
Examples
Background1
Background2
The Growing Seed (by Chaplain Donnel) Lyrics/Chords
VERSE 1
The sun grows the seed, the sun grows the seed
Feel the warm light, the sun grows the seed
The rain grows the seed, the rain grows the seed
Feel the fresh water, the rain grows the seed
CHORUS
In the dark, seek the light
Feel me grow through the night (2X)
VERSE 2
The dirt grows the seed, the dirt grows the seed
Feel the compost, the dirt grows the seed
The air grows the seed, the air grows the seed
Feel the wind blow, the air grows the seed
[Back to CHORUS]
VERSE 1
The sun grows the seed, the sun grows the seed
Feel the warm light, the sun grows the seed
The rain grows the seed, the rain grows the seed
Feel the fresh water, the rain grows the seed
CHORUS
In the dark, seek the light
Feel me grow through the night (2X)
VERSE 2
The dirt grows the seed, the dirt grows the seed
Feel the compost, the dirt grows the seed
The air grows the seed, the air grows the seed
Feel the wind blow, the air grows the seed
[Back to CHORUS]