INTRODUCTION
In mental health, the bottle is a significant archetype in that it is often used as a symbol of negative coping mechanism: (1) the human attempt to avoid feeling one's emotions; aka "bottling up one's feelings" - which could either mean repressing, ignoring or masking. But the bottle can also represent (2) self-medication. When I worked with grieving families in hospice few years ago, I saw many who used to be in recovery from substance abuse relapse. Or if someone used to simply be a social drinker, they begin to notice that the frequency and quantity of their alcohol use spiking. Many people turn to substances as a way to cope with their pain. In the grief support community it is very common to hear this adage, "Be careful when alcohol or other substances become your counselor." I have learned from grief support experts that part of the work of the griever is to feel their feelings, not avoid, escape or numb. This story highlights this important task.
In mental health, the bottle is a significant archetype in that it is often used as a symbol of negative coping mechanism: (1) the human attempt to avoid feeling one's emotions; aka "bottling up one's feelings" - which could either mean repressing, ignoring or masking. But the bottle can also represent (2) self-medication. When I worked with grieving families in hospice few years ago, I saw many who used to be in recovery from substance abuse relapse. Or if someone used to simply be a social drinker, they begin to notice that the frequency and quantity of their alcohol use spiking. Many people turn to substances as a way to cope with their pain. In the grief support community it is very common to hear this adage, "Be careful when alcohol or other substances become your counselor." I have learned from grief support experts that part of the work of the griever is to feel their feelings, not avoid, escape or numb. This story highlights this important task.
The Bottle
(Adapted by Chaplain Donnel from the film, Song of the Sea, by Will Collins)
There was once someone who had encountered challenges, tragedies and losses in his life. While feeling very lost and disoriented in his frustration, fear, despair, grief and sadness, he happened to cross paths with a snake oil salesman who offered a solution:
“My friend, you are suffering,” the salesman said. “Here, bottle up your feelings. It will take away your pain.”
Desperate, the grieving person did as the snake oil salesman suggested, but over time after bottling up his pain he turned into stone.
(Adapted by Chaplain Donnel from the film, Song of the Sea, by Will Collins)
There was once someone who had encountered challenges, tragedies and losses in his life. While feeling very lost and disoriented in his frustration, fear, despair, grief and sadness, he happened to cross paths with a snake oil salesman who offered a solution:
“My friend, you are suffering,” the salesman said. “Here, bottle up your feelings. It will take away your pain.”
Desperate, the grieving person did as the snake oil salesman suggested, but over time after bottling up his pain he turned into stone.
The grieving person who turned into stone had a child - and that child too was grieving and was feeling sadness as well especially after the parent disappeared. So, the child searched for their lost parent.
In their search, the child entered the snake oil salesman’s shop, which was also where the missing parent who turned into stone was kept. When the salesman saw the child, he also invited the child to bottle their feelings.
“Here, this will protect you from your sadness,” the snake oil salesman offered. "It will keep your feelings from bubbling up. Those feelings, they are terrible, you know…nasty things that will make you sick and feel awful. Feelings are not safe. You have to learn to control it. Here, bottle it up and put it away. It will never hurt you again.”
But the young child protested: “No, bottling feelings do not help at all! It just makes things worse!”
In their search, the child entered the snake oil salesman’s shop, which was also where the missing parent who turned into stone was kept. When the salesman saw the child, he also invited the child to bottle their feelings.
“Here, this will protect you from your sadness,” the snake oil salesman offered. "It will keep your feelings from bubbling up. Those feelings, they are terrible, you know…nasty things that will make you sick and feel awful. Feelings are not safe. You have to learn to control it. Here, bottle it up and put it away. It will never hurt you again.”
But the young child protested: “No, bottling feelings do not help at all! It just makes things worse!”
Then the child started singing the sweet song of grief:
"Our tears falling down like rain to the ground will water seeds of change. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, let be, O let it be."
At the sound of the beautiful song, somehow the snake oil salesman vanished into thin air, and the bottles cracked and broke open, releasing the feelings that had been trapped inside the bottle. And the song made the father who was stone become flesh once more. This time, the parent was able to cry and grieve openly, and feel the sadness of the loss. And tears came down like a flowing stream.
And altogether, this family sang the song of grief, and remembered beautiful memories of those who had died and what used to be.
"Our tears falling down like rain to the ground will water seeds of change. Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be, let be, O let it be."
At the sound of the beautiful song, somehow the snake oil salesman vanished into thin air, and the bottles cracked and broke open, releasing the feelings that had been trapped inside the bottle. And the song made the father who was stone become flesh once more. This time, the parent was able to cry and grieve openly, and feel the sadness of the loss. And tears came down like a flowing stream.
And altogether, this family sang the song of grief, and remembered beautiful memories of those who had died and what used to be.
REFLECTION QUESTIONS
- What did you find to be the most important part of the story? What resonated with you?
- What experiences have you had that is close to this story?
- Where do you find yourself in this story? Which part of the story is about you?
- Notice moments when you repressed, ignored or masked your feelings.
- Notice moments when you were able to open up and hold your feelings in compassion.
Guide for Facilitators of Spiritual Care Groups
Reflection Rounds + Songs & Examples
Leader's Guide
Participant's Guide
Reflection
SONGS:
Our Tears Falling Down
Leader's Guide
Participant's Guide
Reflection
SONGS:
Our Tears Falling Down
Bottled Up Feelings (by Chaplain Donnel) Lyrics/Chords
CHORUS
Bottled up feelings, blocking my healing
It feels like protection,
Break it open, and let the light come in.
Bottled up feelings, blocking my healing
It feel like protection,
But it’s a potion of poison I need to let go.
VERSE 1
When your sad, open the bottle
Let the tears flow, it’ll make the seeds grow
When you’re angry, open the bottle
Feel the fire burn, in-the-dark light shall return
[BACK TO CHORUS]
VERSE 2
When you’re scared, open the bottle
Open heart, the pain will depart
Full of judgment, open the bottle
The child within is waiting to be loved
[BACK TO CHORUS]
CHORUS
Bottled up feelings, blocking my healing
It feels like protection,
Break it open, and let the light come in.
Bottled up feelings, blocking my healing
It feel like protection,
But it’s a potion of poison I need to let go.
VERSE 1
When your sad, open the bottle
Let the tears flow, it’ll make the seeds grow
When you’re angry, open the bottle
Feel the fire burn, in-the-dark light shall return
[BACK TO CHORUS]
VERSE 2
When you’re scared, open the bottle
Open heart, the pain will depart
Full of judgment, open the bottle
The child within is waiting to be loved
[BACK TO CHORUS]
